The last month or so has seen me shifting between divergent expressions of how I feel. On the one hand, the romantic, pastoral response to new environments I’ve discovered under lockdown, and on the other, an angry, subversive interpretation of the concept of “Odd”.
First up the
pastoral. Another response to one of Dave
Martin’s and Hannah McDowell’s Artistic
Expressions of Ageing workshops when we thought of the impact of the
environment throughout your life. My first thought was of the iconic, possibly last
poem by Helen Dunmore “Hold out your
arms”.
And then of
a wooded, riverside walk in the St. Anne’s area of Bristol I discovered during
lockdown. I could truly understand the
concept of “forest bathing” walking along the path. I used my photo as driver for experiences across the life
course. (I superimposed the following words over the image at the time but am
unable to transfer this here).
St. Anne’s Undisturbed
Trees sheltering, wild garlic and bluebell sap,
Nails
splicing a daisy stem and conkers,
Applewood
smoking, blackberries simmering,
Frost and
leaf mould,
Heart,
earth, pulsing, shifting, growing, breaking, settling.
By way of contrast, the
theme of “Odd” was suggested by Louisa
Fearnley who has very kindly been hosting our Odd Lot Theatre and Film Zoom
meet-ups. A poem , a monologue or whatever which we would record. So “Oddly Enough” (below) came out of this. I began by trying to film myself on my phone in the back garden. Predictably this
solitary exercise felt and appeared very laboured and I wasn’t happy with it.
Certainly I look a bit stressed here. It also evidences that my hair has started to go white during lockdown!
So thankfully Andreea Rea agreed to film me, Rebecca Braccialarghe and Liz Cashdan in July (others from Odd Lot to be filmed in August). We spent a good, two hours at Greenbank Cemetery (another amazing place I discovered during lockdown) and I think we got a much better result. Hair a mess, old clothes and a less contrived effect. Thank you, Andreea for being both an excellent director and camerawoman! Screen shot and link to all our films to follow when we put them in the public domain, hopefully by the end of August.
I could not help but preface this piece with a quote from Elif Shafak’s TED talk: “The Revolutionary Power of Diverse Thought." https://archive.org/details/ElifShafak_2017G. It sums up everything that concerns me at the moment.
ODDLY ENOUGH
‘Slowly
and systematically we are denied the right to be complex’ ( Elif Shafak 2017)
Sorry I’m
not the way you’d like me to be,
Sorry I slip through the cracks of your neat,
tidy world.
This makes
me interstitial,
This gives
me a little power
Should I
choose to use it.
My life, my
rules.
Why should
I,
Why should
I want to fit in?
Sorry I’m
the garbage category that irritates you
Spoiling the
software
Because none
of the above apply to me.
Sorry if I
linger a while on your conscience,
But I can’t
resist
Making you
feel uncomfortable,
Just a
little bit.
I’m sorry I
have zero fucks to give,
I’m sorry my
red lips stick it to the Man.
Rather a
lot.
But I have a
bit of a mouth on me,
I just want to make you, him and every other fucker else
Think.
That’s all.
Sorry
I’m not
quite the full ticket
So very
imperfect
So perfectly
odd.
So don’t
write me out a moral prescription, Doctor Virtue
Because I
just won’t take the pills.
And
Forgive me, Father but
I’d rather
watch Tiger King than Normal People.
(a beat)
He’s a piece
of work isn’t he?
(a beat)
“You’ve got a face on you like a smacked arse.”
Jo Cross July 2020
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